on child/boyhood

love. abuse. intimacy. words tainted with longing. laced with intimidation. possibilities of a supposed future. words that held no marked difference. especially where i perceived to be ‘home.’ as my body grew, i could not escape the influence. of the men in my neighborhood. their fears. their manifestations of manhood. they emptied into my empty. hungry with voracious appetites. their dim light swept me away with startling speed. the other kids at my school may have embraced some semblance of authenticity. whereas i shrunk into a cocoon of despair, loneliness and assumed girlhood. i glanced at my boyhood in other men’s eyes. only glass shards stared back. i was too tender, they said. boys will be boys, they said. but some boys may just want to be human first.

Mikail Khan

Raised in Bangladesh, Mikail Khan (they/he) is a transmasculine and non-binary queer Muslim filmmaker, organizer & curator based in NYC. In their day job, Mikail works in the transgender public health non-profit sector. They are also part of several grassroots NYC-based political groups and is the founder of Moving Genders NYC, a film festival which showcases movies that center black & brown trans & queer stories.